Just as I thought things might be looking up for me, the worst thing got to happen.

Well but I am rather cool about this. When I was appointed to handle such sensitive stores, you kinda expect this might happen one day. But this is so out of the blue, and the number involved is not funny at all.

It looks bad and serious at the moment. I still dunno what will happen next, and if I will be staying in the same appointment after this. Maybe this should be the last thing on my mind now, why must this happen when my promotion is due in a couple of months?

Take a breather tonight and then damn, time to face the music tml.

Sat Run

Went for a late sat morning run, wanted to start running at 0730hrs but hold back due to dark clouds. Normally that means that I would go back to sleep or cancel my run. But today I decided to wait and start my leisure jog rather late at 9am. I took the same route just like last week, but instead of turning right into Farrer Road which has the circle line construction ongoing, I ventured straight towards Botanic Gardens and only turned right at Cluny Park Road and run along Tyersall Road and then Tyersall Ave before turning left into Holland Road for the final leg. Well it is not the first time venturing that route in Botanic Gardens, I am so used to be running that route during my track days when we were training at the SPE stadium many years back, through at a opposite direction. But that was another reason why I turned at Cluny Park Road, at first I wanted to turn at Evan Roads but I see construction ahead along Bukit Timah Road for the Botanic Gardens MRT station. This route that I took this morning extends the distance to 15.24 km, as according to the running route I created using Running Ahead.

I think this route should serve me well for the next few months for my training towards Stand Chart. Through there are many alternative route in the neighbourhood that I can play around when it is time to increase the mileage. I think I have made up my mind about the distance in Dec. That makes my weekend long run very crucial. I am not aiming for the timing - I just want to make sure my body is in shape and I am mentally strong enough to complete the run.

I have lost so much discipline in training since my track days. So I am treating this as a test for my discipline as well. I know that I will suffer big time without regular trainings so I got to keep going.

I visited my father last night after work. Jan 2011 may be still far away, but I chose to iron it out early so he can inform the person early. I have "chopped" his back room. Chances of me extending the rental of my current flat beyond this tenancy is very low, given if I am still staying in this current job. There are a lot of issues to be ironed out, but at least I chop first. I am so used to be staying alone so moving back and stay with somebody is going to be something that I got to get used. And of coz there will be the "who pay for what" issues, and also the issue of staying superb far from my current workplace. But of coz there is also the "whether I am still in this current job" then?

I might have already found that motivation to stay but really depends on how things pan out. But I enjoyed the talk with the person while walking the 1.2km route out from camp, and on the bus ride to CCK. Let's hope that I bump into the person more often.

Run in camp

Even with the rest on Sunday, I was the last man for the 8km run in camp. They didn't even wait for me to do warm down. Hahaha. Well well I am actually not the last but I was the most honest to complete the 8km, those behind me all DNF. It was my first run in camp for a while, but the pace is naturally much faster than my leisure smell flower pace that I am so used to be running outside. So it is going to be a "struggle"for me to catch up with them but it does motivate me to try to go slightly faster. So it is good training for me.

How big was the difference? 8km in an hour and 13.5km in 2 hours... Hahaha...

So I will join the runs in camp for my build up training whenever I can make it through the distance should be going down after the half marathon. And then it's all up to me liao.

The mailer has come. 9 days to make the decision. Haha.

5 more months.

Runners will know what I mean. It is time for serious business after slacking for a month since Passion Run. I tend to eat a lot when I am stressed so I am out of shape again. But what's new? I am still thinking which one should I go for this year? But then despite slacking for quite a bit, and out of shape, through it is very low as compared to seasoned runners, my mileage for the year is more or less the highest since coming back from the injuries. It may be a superb big gamble to sign up for the big one, but if it is going to keep me motivated and disciplined to train for the next 5 months, and lose some serious weight along the way, I dun mind. Haha.

Damn today is a good weather to run. But my legs are still aching from yesterday 13.5km run, and with a 8km run in camp tml morning coming, haha I decided to slack a bit today. But maybe I might go for a short run later.

13.5km - I do not know if it is accurate but this is what the distance shown using Running AHEAD. I started from Ghim Moh - Commonwealth Avenue West - Clementi Road - Dunearn Road - Farrer Road - Holland Road -North Buona Vista Road - Commonwealth Avenue West - Ghim Moh. The down part of this route is that I forgot about the construction site along Farrer Road, got to find alternative path to detour.

I have already think of another alternative, but it will add more to the distance, maybe I will try it next weekend. Instead of turning at Farrer Road, I shall turn at Evans Road and run through Cluny Road before turning back to Holland Road.

The timing is not important for me now. Staying injury free and lose weight is more important. Excess weight that I have put on over the years is bad for my joints, especially my right ankle. I have been reading some studies - running slow might be bad for the joints as well because of the number of impacts is more than those who are running fast. But i beg to differ, the force of the impact for a fast runner is much more. I ain't sure if my right ankle can hold if I concentrate on speed training. Thus I am running at a controlled pace and with smaller impact, while it is true that my stamina sucks now, but I can run at a faster pace if I want to, but for my legs, I am saving it. At least for now. Losing my tummy is my top priority for now.

5 Years

It seems so impossible 2 or 3 years ago for me to reach this milestone.

But damn I have managed to stay in this job for 5 years le. One more year to go to complete my bond. I think that it will be my "target" for now. I want to get my bond out of the way before making a final decision.

There is no hiding it, for a 16.5 year old to sign on straight after getting his O level results 8 years 4 months ago, it was purely circumstances. Do I know what was I getting into? Frankly speaking, I know nuts before signing. I only knew that I do not have money to support my late mother who was sick, and I do not have money to further study, how am I going to support my late mother if I am just an NSF. I didn't really think for myself when I signed on the dotted line.

I wouldn't say that it is a stupid decision. It was the best choice back then. But since then, I have been waiting for Jul 2010 to come.

True, I still do not know what will happen in a year time, whether I have the guts to let go of my current job, but one thing is for sure after this life lesson, I will definitely look for a job that I love to do. Passion, interest are important. Money is not everything.

Ya I think it is more or less confirmed that I wouldn't be going for the overseas project. Again it demonstrated the problem of this organization. In the end, the deciding factor is mainly based on medical status. Haha. I am not upset. I have already "see through" long ago. I just think it is a pity, because I do not think I will travel to the country anytime soon, given the furthest I go is only Malaysia.

Well heard some stories that I was recommended to go on a overseas assignment by my immediate superior but then it seems to be overwritten by higher authority. It seems to me that my PES status got me dropped. But I heard that my immediate superior is still pushing for me to go.

I do not know how this is going to pan out, I just do not want this decision to spoil the working relationship between me and the other specialist.

Imagine the Dept Hd already told him that he will go, then suddenly it is not longer him. How would you feel?

If I would be him, I would be angered with the "replacement" for quite a while. And imagine that you still got to work with him in the same office until one got posted out?

No doubt, this is a good chance to prove yourself. But man I rather stay in Singapore this time round. But would I be still wearing pixelized green when the next chance like this arrives?

I have decided to revert my decision about staying in. No doubt, Work life balance is important. But then my sleep is very important as well. Hahaha.

Staying out = temptation to sleep a bit longer, especially early in the morning = late for mrt and bus = must take cab to camp = spend almost 20 dollars a day on that morning trip. I have not even mentioned the other expenses in camp.

Imagine this indiscipline happening on a very regularly basis. 400 dollars gone just like that. That's like about 25% of my take home.

So you want to talk about savings? You must be kidding. I am seriously thinking if I am overspending what I am earning at the moment.

So to put a stop on what is happening. I decided to start staying in once more.

Yeah no life. No SGRunners forum. No online. No Cable Tv. No facebook. No mafia wars.

But for a fatter account. I think it will be all worth it at the end.

Broke my yearly resolution by not having any DNS this year. But I woke up with a sore shoulder this morning which still hurts until now. Guess must be my sleeping position last night. Maybe I can still run with it, but I just didn't have the motivation to take on the mountain with that irritating pain and I went back to sleep. Slept through most of the lazy sunday but the shoulder still hurts. Damn.

Regrets? I dunno man. I never really train to run on slopes. So maybe it is a blessing in disguise that I chose to skip.

Cleared my range for the yearly requirement yesterday. Seriously I headed to it without any expectations, my shooting for the past two years have been very bad - just scraping it through for both years. So I was expecting kinda the same.

No doubt I am managing what I was handling, I am not trained in the weapon. I am just using it to shoot for the third time. So my handling is not very steady. My colleague is very nice that she got a mentor to stand besides me when I was shooting to guide and encourage me.

I purposely shoot all my rounds for the practice on the smaller target to get my aiming right. And I took my own sweet time to aim and shoot. I knew that I am not a good shooter so I was just treating every shoot I made as very important and vital to pass.

When the shoot commenced, the encouragement is important. It kept me going and concentrated. And I feel very shiok and does my confidence level a lot of good when I keep hitting the target.

In the end, I not only got a pass, I earned my marksman, only missing three shots along the way.

It may be a simple feat for most, but to me, from last year's 13 to this year's 21, it is just so unbelievable. It made my day.

Mafia Wars - How to get easy cuba pesos and cuban weapons...

Each link allow us to buy ten items ( the number at the end of link, u can change that number to whatever qty of items u wishes to buy ) in Cuba using our NY Dollars. After buying them, fly to Cuba, sell them back and convert to Pesos.

Have fun. Please note that you have to be in New York for the links to work. But I do not know how long these links will work through. =P

Rebel Snipers
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=d6deaa612494760c9c39181ca57d97e2&xw_time=1244467362&xw_action=buy_item&item=41&numBuy=10

.308 Sniper Rif
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=4fe0e255cdb055c5f4670820d408f9a0&xw_time=1244467197&xw_action=buy_item&item=33&numBuy=10

CM Vengas
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=bac7b7eef9740e57fdacd8e69f8ec930&xw_time=1244466962&xw_action=buy_item&item=44&numBuy=10

Barges
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=99658a3d387c6b4bf4e1dbfb82231271&xw_time=1244466809&xw_action=buy_item&item=45&numBuy=10

Commercial Helis
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=297977e9bbe65f9379966a199a03e912&xw_time=1244466532&xw_action=buy_item&item=47&numBuy=10

Oso Truck
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=880635e722230d22b625181fb3823237&xw_time=1244465936&xw_action=buy_item&item=46&numBuy=10

RAS-29s
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=9630e0c8b8a46066ec5815df0a4309cb&xw_time=1244465506&xw_action=buy_item&item=31&numBuy=10

Wise Guys
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=c67280b03acd8958daee23dc7cb2f1ad&xw_time=1244466181&xw_action=buy_item&item=40&numBuy=10

Bazookas
http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/remote/html_server.php?xw_controller=job&xw_exp_sig=c94abd1b097810f4279c8f7225ac2d26&xw_time=1244466366&xw_action=buy_item&item=34&numBuy=10

I have marked 2 dates in my email calendar. I decided not to procrastinate on this matter but yet I have given myself ample time to consider. When the first date arrived, if i am still unhappy, I will throw paper. And the second date that I marked is my tenative ORD date.

Hahaha. But if I have already given so much consideration that I have marked the dates, I guess that I have already made up my mind. It is not going to happen very fast, I still want to be done with NDP and my bond before I go.

Yeah 1 year plus is still a long way to go, but man it is good to plan ahead and think of my plans outside.

The wise father again asked me to re-consider my decision. But after I "let go" some steam that I have been keeping for a while, he relented after sensing my frustration. And asked me to plan ahead and as such, I came out of the dates.

Yeah I have no plans outside but going there every morning and just hoping the day will pass by fast. Something is just ain't right. I have lost that passion for it. It has now become just a job, no longer have the passion, pride, camaraderie associated to the job. Every month just looking forward to the 10th. Well that is just so wrong.

I want to do something that is more meaningful.

I heard from my father that my sister went to the newspapers again to complain about my bro in law. I didn't see the report. But maybe I should start to archive those reports and see how often she goes to the newspaper. This is not the first time, i think it is like the 3rd time she got herself featured in the papers over these few years, but maybe this is what attention seekers like to do. Hoping some rich people will sympathize with her and give her some $? Or hopefully getting the bro in law get charged coz I heard that the recent report mentioned underage sex?

I dunno who is right or wrong. I dunno who to trust when the 2 person are involved. Because both are known for telling lies.

That's why I stayed away from all these mess. And I would be happy to carry on avoiding contact.

Have not been blogging for a while. There isn't much change and updates. I cannot exactly say that I am in rough patch, because I think it is in a way self imposed on myself.

Less than a month to the milestone - 5 years on my first job, through I have been shifting around. I am still unsure if it would be the right one for me. I am still procrastinating about if I should leave after my bond or should I stay for good. I seriously thought about staying, but then I can feel the passion and interest is slowly leaving me. I know that I am not performing to the best of my ability nowadays. Which I think that there are many reasons to it, it is quite ironic but I got to say that one of it must be that I don't think that I know my present job scope well. There are many procedures in logistics and my knowledge is quite limited. And the work load is so heavy and furious that it is a struggle to find time to look for someone to teach, and it is not easy to find someone either, just like any outside job, there is a lot of competition in there and not many would be nice to share the knowledge.

Well there's why I was so reluctant to make the change back last year. I was so experienced in the manpower administration and was in a comfort zone. I was contributing much more that I am doing so now. Now? I may have put in long hours as well, but I am seriously and clearly struggling. My output is low. I am working on the same project for like weeks, and yet I am not done with it.

So? I think unless something dramatic happened in the next year, I can already sense the exit. The time is not right yet. But man I do not know if I can last so long at the rate that I am losing it.

But I do not have the answer on what I want to do outside as well. So well I think this status quo will remains for a while.

The flu that is not going away. The Alec that seems to be stop running. The Alec that seems to be putting on weight. One word sums it all up : UNHAPPY.

With this, I ended this post. I am taking a break from blogging until I can find my motivation and direction back, with the exception of special events and running events that I feel worthy to write about.

Saucony Passion Run 2009

Well despite going for the above mentioned with very little passion but with a simple goal of improving my timing, I managed to complete the 15km run in slightly more than 2 hours. Well not exactly a fantastic timing but is an improvement from the last year timing by about 19-20 mins, with not much training especially the past few weeks. So I cannot really complain much. And actually it could be faster if my left leg did not suffer a cramp at the 13km. I dare not push at the end because I do not want the cramp to come back. Haha. So well one step at a time, I shall wait till the next year and try to improve the timing to be below 2 hours.

I was overtaken by quite a few friends. My sec sch frien, IBA who started 10 mins behind me overtook me somewhere at 7km... Little Tigger also overtook me soon after that... Well well... I guess that I just have to forget how I did before my injuries and carry on working on it from here.

I been thinking what's next for me in my running. Especially the big one in Dec. Should I take a big big risk or just stick to just improving my timing? I do want to attempt the full eventually but when? Another year?

Passion Run is 28 hours away, and again like last year, I wasn't that prepared.

Not only that I have not been training for weeks since the start of the divisional exercise, I have been gaining weight yet again. And this flu that has been pestering me for months, hmmm well I have sensitive nose. Something is irritating my nose, especially when I am at home, but I am still figuring the source, maybe I should do another round of major cleaning of my place soon.

Haha all excuses. I seem to have lost motivation over these few years with all these injuries. Losing my discipline, getting way out of shape, losing speed, losing interest, etc.

Maybe one day I will just end this for good. Or can I re-ignite the burning flame?

Thank god it is over. Have been busy with 24 hrs shift work supporting the divisional exercise for the past week or so. It is so tiring that i spend most of my 24 hrs off sleeping. That is good and bad side to this. No doubt that this is tiring but it does provide me with the time off to do things that I want to do especially on weekdays. But now got to shift back my body clock and it is time to go back to normal office hours.

Tao Suan incident

This local dessert called Tao Suan is cooked using mung beans. It is a sweet dessert and you eat it with fried dough fritters (You Tiao). The dough fritters add a certain crunch and savoury taste to this sweet dessert.

What am I blogging about Tao Suan?

Men made mistakes, usually is the Specialists who came into the pictures to try to solve the problem.

But then this is really too much. It is either they have no brains, pure laziness or they did it on purpose. Imagine two huge containers of Tao Suan in a drain. I spent 1 hour plus digging to clear that mess on thu morning. Though one of my favorite show on Discovery Channel is Dirty Jobs, but man this is not funny. Best part must be that the 3 of them responsible all took 2 days medical leave - thu and fri.

Hahaha, sometimes I dunno what to say. NS supposed to train the guys to become a better man. But then, sometimes it seems to me their definition of a "better man" - must have guts to challenge authority, overwriting instructions, refusal to do things, etc

This is how f**ked up NS has evolved. And sometimes, you cannot help but worry about what is the future of Singapore going to be with these f****** in the society.

late late run

Well not sure if that is a wise move. I have not run after 9pm for a long while. So it took me quite a while to get my engine started. But I was slower than usual, maybe I have been a weekend warrior for many months now, that my body is thinking what the f*** am I torturing myself to jog after coming back from work so late in the night and almost sleeping time liao.

But then again a very slow run is better than no run at all.

I will run whenever I got the chance to book out from camp for watever reasons.

Thank you uncle

Well after lazing around on bed for almost the whole of Sunday, decided to go for a 4km easy jog at the park connector. It took me 2 installments to run the usual distance that I have been doing on a Sat recently, but it's back to basics - I simply want to enjoy running again. And not about struggling to complete some unrealistic targets.

Running at the park connector is fun, seeing other fellow enthusiasts doing their run. But of coz sometimes like what happened today, I met a uncle who is a good pacer. I do not know if he meant that, he was so close behind me in my last km, that I pick up my pace in order not to clash with him. Haha of coz I have the choice to give way. But man, that few minutes I can feel that adrenaline that has been missing for a long time.

It was supposedly a easy run but the pace for the last km is easily 25-30% faster than the first 3km. Haha. Despite my heavy weight, I still have the ability to produce faster pace if I want to, only that I cannot last that long le.

Okay lah should be heading out to my dad place le.

Finally a run in 2 weeks

I finally got my engine restarted with an easy 6km jog along the Ulu Pandan Park Connector after a long break. The construction is still on, so got to cross over to the other side to the temporary pavement. I am regaining that bit of confidence after that very dismal 10km run at MR two weekends ago. While I know that I am no longer that guy a decade ago who enjoy overtaking people like fun, and especially after those injuries in recent years. But that dismal run that day is still so disappointing. Through I know that I will never reach that level again, especially the level of intensity and frequency that I trained a decade is so freaking high.

I trained like six days a week, with my three CCAs (all sports). But behind that fact, there was a secret behind it. I may be one of the fitest, in good shape back in those days, but I was doing that to run away from reality. I was working hard to tire myself out so that I am so freaking tired that I will sleep at night after visiting my late mother at the hospital, and not to think too much. Even at 15, I already knew what is coming when my late mother went down with her 2nd stroke. And dealing with a sister who never visit my late mother till the social worker kept looking for her. That was very depressing those days. That's why I treasure friends more than anything else, through family is forever.

Gone were those days. I still hope that I can do something about my increasing weight/waist line/blood pressure. Maybe there is no such reason now. I do hope that I can work on my time management so that I can train during weekdays as well.

Shall keep it short and sweet

Did my first duty in my new unit. Hahaha. It took me a while because I am so low profile that it took people a while to realize my presence. In a way, this introvert character of mine doesn't put me in a good light, in terms of this competitive working environment especially when it is the time to do ranking. What adds on to it, is the well-known open secret that when it comes to it, my formation always puts its own people first, and then those of the service side bottom. That's why in the 1st place, many are wary to come, and most who entered wouldn't get a chance to leave the formation because of their "bad" ranking. So well I am still considering about my long term plans, but chances of me being emplaced on the new scheme is relatively high, all thanks to what my previous formation ranked me.

The first duty yesterday is eventful -given the development of swine flu situation. The day started with me waking up to see World health organization raising its level to number 5, and then in the evening, MOH raising its level to orange, and so my organization also went into actions in preparation in raising its level as well, through it was not raised this morning. And so it was a very eventful night with many calls flying here and there.

After that, one of the officer is so nice to give the duty guys a lift to Jurong Point, from where I rushed down in a taxi to East Coast Park. Well of coz I am too late for the Wedding Run for Ronnie and Bee, but I am still gladful to have go and join them, because it presents me with the chance to catch up with my old SGRunners friends, many of whom that I seldom see nowadays, I have to forgone the chances of joining all those weekdays evening runs after this posting, unless I got some form of vehicle in the future. Chances of me making in time to join those runs in town are just besides zero. And thus I spent the rest of my morning catching up with them before getting a lift home from Bose after he sent the very sleepy Renoh home.

Talking about vehicle, the other day my superior was mentioning on the possibility of sending me on a class 3 driving course. So hmmm maybe maybe.